I write in despair. This morning I woke-up, attempted to take a shower only to midway through have my wife calling me from outside the locked door demanding I keep the children regardless of my need to go to work. Then after getting in my car and driving down the street, I realize I do not have my military ID to get into the office. I turn around, go back to my desk at the house, and find that my ID is no longer inserted within my keyboard. My wife deliberately took it, so that I could not work today. I text a couple ministers with my wife on the text to get her to confess that she took it and it only results in the ministers aiding my wife with security detail to leave the church and not assisting me in getting my military ID back. Will I be going to a different church yet again? Yes. Am I exhausted and in shock? Yes. Do I think my wife is an evil person? Yes. Is this the only thing she has done or is doing that is outrageous? No.
Sometimes men marry bad women. Many churches have a hard time believing it, but it is true. Instead, these churches add to the abuse by insinuating that the abused husband is not doing his part by being a leader, responding accordingly to Ephesians 4:31-32 instruction or Matthew 6:15. Such wives refuse to admit any wrongs, continue to terrorize their spouse, and are what the world call narcissistic or characterized as possessing a Cluster B personality disorder. I am becoming convinced that in biblical terms it is a Jezebel spirit or frankly better known as “evil”.
Meanwhile, the church I was hoping would help never mention Proverbs 12:4, 14:1, 21:9, 21:19, 27:15-16, or John 3:20 for that matter. The degree to which I feel under attack from my spouse is insurmountable. She has taken my wallet, phone, military ID, stolen several items, sold many personal items, lied endlessly, punched me in the face, slapped me, poured coffee on me while driving, ripped a key that got stuck into an ignition, abandoned me on the side of roads three times that included a different state in a cornfield, bitten me multiple times, alleged I sexually assaulted her to my employer, repeatedly claimed that I inadequately financially provide (all disproven), gotten money from charities, put holes in our walls, damaged our vehicles, forged my signature on a personal check, taken personal credit cards several times, cleaned out joint bank accounts multiple times, spent thousands of dollars, along with cost legal fees that in sum have reached the six figures between the exuberant spending and attorney fees, locked me out of my own residence several times, and tried to get me fired multiple times. This is not even exhaustive.
However, today I took a call from a new church leader that is leading a marriage group telling me that my approach of texting the ministers this morning to expalin my wife taking my military ID and demanding to receive it back should have been different. Really? Meanwhile, my wife still has my ID, I cannot do my job, and I forgot to mention she continues to spend using personal American Express cards, refusing to give them up. In just over two months she has spent approximately $20,000 in frivolous purchases. She will refuse to pay on them, which could inevitably lead to American Express suing her, and then a lien placed on our primary residence since her name is also on the deed. Two months ago she took our daughter unbeknownst to me to New York City and funded the trip out of our joint checking account, which was solely used for our monthly mortgage payment. The mortgage payment bounced, there was a fee imposed, and I had to get other funds to pay for it.
If you go to a church where leaders do not hold people accountable, please leave. I called the minister initially, then got my small group involved, and then had multiple ministers involved. No positive result. They told me I should not tell my small group any details, that God has the details, blocked me from the group chat, and to this day still have not held her accountable for the ongoing credit card spending, or anything else I have mentioned. Instead, they get her security detail to exit the church. One day in another life, the truth will set us free. I write for anyone else who has experienced the injustices of the world and sadly the church body. There are really evil things that happen to some people. As a church one should, “Care for the flock that God has entrusted you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly-not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God” (1 Peter 5:2).
Do I need to leave my wife? Yes, I have learned that being in hell is not getting me anywhere and our children are being impacted. I have tried to stay married for 11 years now and it has gotten worse. I have not wanted a broken home, but have had a broken home from the start even though I am still married. Counseling, churches, ministers, police, investigators, families, friends, and a lot of pain, have all led to one simple truth, my wife attempting to harm me and my well-being constantly under attack. Please pray for peace and safety. Pray I can save enough money to move out and live somewhere without having to hide my personal belongings. Sometimes, we must leave in order to survive.